For some reason, this song stood out to me today. I guess it's because I can see myself in the lyrics when it comes to several facets of my life, especially the past.
Survivor by Destiny's Child
Now that you are out of my life,
I'm so much better,
You thought that I'd be weak without ya,
But I'm stronger,
You thought that I'd be broke without ya,
But I'm richer,
You thought that I'd be sad without ya,
I laugh harder,
You thought I wouldn't grow without ya,
Now I'm wiser,
You thought that I'd be helpless without ya,
But I'm smarter,
You thought that I'd be stressed without ya,
But I'm chillin'
You thought I wouldn't sell without ya,
Sold nine million.
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).
Thought I couldn't breathe without you,
I'm inhalin'
You thought I couldn't see without you,
Perfect vision,
You thought I couldn't last without ya,
But I'm lastin'
You thought that I would die without ya,
But I'm livin'
Thought that I would fail without ya,
But I'm on top,
Though it would be over by now,
But it won't stop,
You thought that I would self-destruct,
But I'm still here,
Even in my years to come,
I'm still gon' be here.
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).
I'm wishin' you the best,
Pray that you are blessed,
Much success, no stress, and lots of happiness,
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna blast you on the radio,
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna lie on you or your family, yo,
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna hate you in the magazine,
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gonna compromise my Christianity,
(I'm better than that)
You know I'm not gonna diss you on the Internet
Cause my momma told me better than that.
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).
After all of the darkness and sadness,
Still comes happiness,
If I surround myself with positive things,
I'll gain prosperity.
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what)(Don't stop me now)
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm not gonna give up (what),
I'm not gon' stop (what),
I'm gonna work harder (what),
I'm a survivor (what),
I'm gonna make it (what),
I will survive (what),
Keep on survivin' (what).
Monday, November 7, 2011
Trying Something New
After the escapade with Austin and dissipation of my homesickness, I finally began to adjust to life here in the Midwest again. A new job and a new start. I caught up with old friends, met their spouses and significant others, and tried to acclimate to my old life. I felt like a square peg in a round hole. Awkward. Uncomfortable. I had left the life I knew, in order to try something new. I repeatedly told myself things would get better. I tried everything to keep my mind off of the thought of being alone.
Running.
Reading.
Art.
Writing.
Trips.
Shopping.
Short Road Trips.
Movies.
Museums.
Plays.
Bars.
Clubs.
Casinos.
It all definitely helped to fill the void, but I needed something else. Something to make me enjoy all of those things more.The answer finally presented itself: Online Dating. My parents were NOT thrilled. "Give it time. The right guy will come along." "Stop forcing it to happen. Be patient." Do I sound patient? Well, I'm not. I want things my way, as soon as possible. Years of experience has taught me that I've got a good head on my shoulders, and I make logical, rational decisions. (I'll pat my own back.) I figure that I have to work for things in order for them to happen. If I sit back and wait, nothing will ever come my way... except 40 homeless cats that I will eventually individually name and give full background stories. Pathetic. Every town needs a crazy lady, right? Anyways, (surprise, surprise) I didn't listen to my parents. I went ahead and tried the online dating thing...
My first afternoon on the website, I found a decently attractive guy with a strong background (according to his profile). Two words caught my attention and wouldn't let go: Air Force. I can't reasonably explain the attraction to men in uniform, but it's real and it's hard to ignore. Not a single one has EVER worked out. Coincidence? I think not. Moving on... Scott was a great guy! He was friendly and immediately started emailing and texting me. I was THRILLED! I thought to myself, maybe this online dating thing really works! I explained that I was fairly new in town. He immediately asked me out to dinner, and of course, I said yes! I ended up driving 30 minutes to meet up with him, and I'm pretty sure I looked dumbfounded when I saw him. Nothing like his picture at all. He was thin. Too thin. He was awkward. No eye contact. No compliments. As a matter of fact, he really didn't say much! I started to panic, but reasoned myself through it.
We sat down at a table, and I immediately start asking him about his job, his life, his hobbies, etc. It was nearly as gratifying as questioning a wall. One word answer and no reciprocated questions. Boring. Who was this guy?? This could NOT be the guy I talked to online... or could it? Spends his days hiding behind a screen name, but balks when forced into a social setting. It made complete sense. Dinner finally arrived at the table, and to my horror, I witnessed a catastrophe. Scott grabbed his steak and began tearing it into half dollar size chunks with his knife and fork. I felt like I was watching a caveman documentary on the National Geographic Channel. I couldn't pull myself away. I was completely engrossed in his eating style. Clearly Scott had never eaten a steak, been given proper table manners, eaten with a woman, or used a knife in his life. It was a complete train wreck, but I couldn't stop watching. The rest of our meal was awkward and fairly quiet. He reluctantly paid the bill, and he even had the nerve to make some under-the-breath comment about it. Rude.
On the way out of the restaurant, I politely thanked him for dinner and for asking me out. He smiled and quickly asked, "Do you want to go grab a movie?" I was completely unprepared. I wasn't sure if he meant theater or his place, but the answer was NO. I stuttered and managed to formulate some intelligible statement about visiting my friends. He bought it. I thanked him again and quickly got in my car. I started down the road toward the interstate, when all of a sudden, an overwhelming thought kept presenting itself. "He's following you." I really started to panic. My eyes kept darting towards the rear-view mirror. I bypassed the interstate and headed further into town. Sure enough, he was right behind me. I frantically sped up and pulled into a Lowe's parking lot. I hunkered down in the front seat just in time to see him drive past my car. I grabbed my things and bolted inside the store. The next 45 minutes of my life were dedicated to wandering up and down the aisles looking aimlessly at fixtures, doors, and paint. To my surprise, he sent me a text. "What are u doin in Lowes?" Really? CREEPER. I didn't even respond. I hurried out to the car and hoped that he hadn't stuck around.
Although I still receive an occasional butt dial from him, he has left me alone since that date. Unfortunately for me, that date would only be the first on a long list of bizarre, creepy, and unsuccessful dates. Although a complete failure, the date gave me some insight into the things that are NOT acceptable in a future significant other. I've just got to hope that it doesn't result in picky dating style and 40 cats.
Running.
Reading.
Art.
Writing.
Trips.
Shopping.
Short Road Trips.
Movies.
Museums.
Plays.
Bars.
Clubs.
Casinos.
It all definitely helped to fill the void, but I needed something else. Something to make me enjoy all of those things more.The answer finally presented itself: Online Dating. My parents were NOT thrilled. "Give it time. The right guy will come along." "Stop forcing it to happen. Be patient." Do I sound patient? Well, I'm not. I want things my way, as soon as possible. Years of experience has taught me that I've got a good head on my shoulders, and I make logical, rational decisions. (I'll pat my own back.) I figure that I have to work for things in order for them to happen. If I sit back and wait, nothing will ever come my way... except 40 homeless cats that I will eventually individually name and give full background stories. Pathetic. Every town needs a crazy lady, right? Anyways, (surprise, surprise) I didn't listen to my parents. I went ahead and tried the online dating thing...
My first afternoon on the website, I found a decently attractive guy with a strong background (according to his profile). Two words caught my attention and wouldn't let go: Air Force. I can't reasonably explain the attraction to men in uniform, but it's real and it's hard to ignore. Not a single one has EVER worked out. Coincidence? I think not. Moving on... Scott was a great guy! He was friendly and immediately started emailing and texting me. I was THRILLED! I thought to myself, maybe this online dating thing really works! I explained that I was fairly new in town. He immediately asked me out to dinner, and of course, I said yes! I ended up driving 30 minutes to meet up with him, and I'm pretty sure I looked dumbfounded when I saw him. Nothing like his picture at all. He was thin. Too thin. He was awkward. No eye contact. No compliments. As a matter of fact, he really didn't say much! I started to panic, but reasoned myself through it.
We sat down at a table, and I immediately start asking him about his job, his life, his hobbies, etc. It was nearly as gratifying as questioning a wall. One word answer and no reciprocated questions. Boring. Who was this guy?? This could NOT be the guy I talked to online... or could it? Spends his days hiding behind a screen name, but balks when forced into a social setting. It made complete sense. Dinner finally arrived at the table, and to my horror, I witnessed a catastrophe. Scott grabbed his steak and began tearing it into half dollar size chunks with his knife and fork. I felt like I was watching a caveman documentary on the National Geographic Channel. I couldn't pull myself away. I was completely engrossed in his eating style. Clearly Scott had never eaten a steak, been given proper table manners, eaten with a woman, or used a knife in his life. It was a complete train wreck, but I couldn't stop watching. The rest of our meal was awkward and fairly quiet. He reluctantly paid the bill, and he even had the nerve to make some under-the-breath comment about it. Rude.
On the way out of the restaurant, I politely thanked him for dinner and for asking me out. He smiled and quickly asked, "Do you want to go grab a movie?" I was completely unprepared. I wasn't sure if he meant theater or his place, but the answer was NO. I stuttered and managed to formulate some intelligible statement about visiting my friends. He bought it. I thanked him again and quickly got in my car. I started down the road toward the interstate, when all of a sudden, an overwhelming thought kept presenting itself. "He's following you." I really started to panic. My eyes kept darting towards the rear-view mirror. I bypassed the interstate and headed further into town. Sure enough, he was right behind me. I frantically sped up and pulled into a Lowe's parking lot. I hunkered down in the front seat just in time to see him drive past my car. I grabbed my things and bolted inside the store. The next 45 minutes of my life were dedicated to wandering up and down the aisles looking aimlessly at fixtures, doors, and paint. To my surprise, he sent me a text. "What are u doin in Lowes?" Really? CREEPER. I didn't even respond. I hurried out to the car and hoped that he hadn't stuck around.
Although I still receive an occasional butt dial from him, he has left me alone since that date. Unfortunately for me, that date would only be the first on a long list of bizarre, creepy, and unsuccessful dates. Although a complete failure, the date gave me some insight into the things that are NOT acceptable in a future significant other. I've just got to hope that it doesn't result in picky dating style and 40 cats.
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